Classic Card – Bill Hanzlik

On one fateful day back in 1988, Bill Hanzlik crossed over James Worthy. Straight up crossed him.

by Mike Kenny

Worthy stood knee-locked for four seconds, not knowing where he was or what day it was or what a Laker is even supposed to be.

Meanwhile, Bill Hanzlik — who was more shocked at what had just happened than anyone else in the building — drove past Worthy on a cloud of fear-induced adrenaline, hoping to reach the basket before Worthy gathered his bearings and recovered in time to use his superior athletic ability to smash Bill Hanzlik’s face into to the basket support as retribution for his public humiliation.

Bill Hanzlik, 1989-90 Hoops

When he wasn’t busy crossing fools over, Bill Hanzlik was revolutionizing the bowl haircut + mustache + bowl full of weed combination.

Throw in the worst idea in uniform history and the overall fashion sensibilities of the late-80s, and you’re left with Bill Hanzlik: playa for life. Except, of course, when he was having back surgery:

Play limited due to back surgery…

Yeah, back surgery will undoubtedly limit your playing time under most circumstances. Hanzlik often told friends and family that he broke his back carrying the Nuggets for 82 games every season, something his coaches and teammates resented, but could rarely argue with:

Has played all five positions for Denver…

As the old NBA saying goes, “When a guy with a bowl haircut and mustache is playing every position for your basketball team, you probably need a new basketball team.” I just made up that saying, but you could see how it would be relevant here. Also, many people find this hard to believe, but Bill Hanzlik was from Ohio.

Did you know?
Bill Hanzlik defied Newton’s scientific theory that a Laker sinks a Nugget.

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Mike Kenny was born and raised in NJ, but recently moved to Arizona where he is now a contributing sports columnist to a weekly newspaper in Glendale. His blog — MikeKenny.blogspot.com — contains his weekly columns, other “stuff,” plus a wide array of more classic cards. Tell him what you think, or submit your own classic NBA card at: mkenny59@hotmail.com.
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