Rasheed Wallace Has Greatest Dream Where He Uses Headband As Basketball Slingshot And Scores A Million Points
September 14, 2008 by Evil E
More hilarious stories from The Onion.
There are plenty of humorous Rasheed Wallace stories out there, but this is perhaps the funniest one ever.
After you read about ‘Sheed and his amazing dream, there are 5 more stories to check out, all courtesy of “America’s Finest Sports News Source.”
Jacked from The Onion.
Rasheed Wallace Has Greatest Dream Where He Uses Headband As Basketball Slingshot And Scores A Million Points
DETROIT — Pistons forward Rasheed Wallace awoke from the greatest dream Monday morning, in which he was in an NBA game, and he took off his headband and started using it as a slingshot, and everyone kept passing him the ball, but the balls were smaller than usual, or maybe his headband was bigger, and he kept slinging the balls into the hoop from a hundred feet away and he scored a million billion points, Wallace reported Monday. “I remember I was playing against the Celtics—except Paul Pierce, like, became Allen Iverson somehow, and my father was on their team for some reason—and my headband stretched across the whole court, and when I shot the balls from it, they all automatically went in, and then the floor started glowing,” Wallace explained to reporters. “Also, I figured out this thing called the backwards dunk, where you dunk through the bottom of the rim, and the refs give you a thousand points for figuring out the secret. Oh, and the court was my house.” Wallace said he cannot wait to try using his headband as a slingshot in a real game.
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I added a new link for coach Del Negro. Anyone else think the T-Mac one is freakin’ hilarious?
“We were walking down the hallway like usual and heard a bunch of moaning and shouting coming the tape room, so we opened up the door and there was T-Mac with his warm-ups around his ankles, churning himself with both hands,” said small forward Shane Battier. “He just kept grunting ‘Put it through the rim. Again. Give it the soft touch. Oh, Tracy, you’re so good. Don’t tell me you’re going to take it to the hole again. I’m not ready for that yet.’”
NIPPLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!